i am trying to write again
i really am, i am trying so hard to write again. maybe that is why, it fails all the time.
i am trying to free myself from the deadlines, any, deadlines. i keep telling myself, that it is okay to write things that does not correlate with each other.
it doesn’t matter if the paragraphs are not aligned nicely. if the spaces between each sentences are not in uniform.
i am trying, to write. without worrying about the number of pages i have written and the words-count, or the lines on the paper.
i need to feel comfortable, because i am way pass comfortable right now. i am doing what other people say, leave your comfort zone, try make comfort zone out of the uncomfortable zone.
but i am not doing it for myself. i have done it to prove to everybody.
in the way, i have to sacrifice who i am.
i am learning, again, to write without wanting to win anything. without wanting to be read.
i mean, i’d love to be read and known. it’s just, maybe that is not what i need the most, right now.
maybe what i need is to not feel as if i was being chased after.
you know what, maybe, i am not. maybe it is just silly thought.
but who knows.
i have long gone from who i was.
